The Only Diet Tip You’ll Ever Need

What to do in the sea of dietary advice

Gideon M-K; Health Nerd


Pictured: Healthy? Poison? Depends on who you ask

If you want to lose weight, there are a lot of tough choices. You’re meant to eat breakfast, get plenty of fat, make sure you never eat processed food, miss at least one meal a day (ideally breakfast), cut out carbs entirely, only eat pre-made meals labeled ‘diet’, and, of course, eat exactly what our ancestors ate — except not really because none of those foods exist any more. Just eat like our ancestors did.

You should listen to experts, because they know what they’re talking about, but also remember that the Youtuber with an impossibly beautiful life and a six pack knows more about dieting than anyone. Start eating only meat, and remember that if you fail it’s all your fault because meat is the perfect food.

It’s always all your fault*. That’s what makes dieting fun!

Pictured: Yaaaaaaaaaay

If you’re feeling lost in a stadium filled with unnaturally pristine people screaming diet tips at you — “vegans are the healthiest people on earth!” — you’ve probably looked for diet advice on the internet.

It’s not an easy place to be.

Who To Trust?

The first thing to think about is who to trust. Do you listen to the person with dozens of degrees, or the guy with enough muscles to start his own seafood restaurant?

“My secret is only eating on Sundays”

The answer is simple: there is no best answer. It’s actually quite freeing to realize that there is basically no one on the internet who is going to give you brilliant, personalized advice. It’s also fairly obvious when you think about it: personalized dietary advice is a complex equation. Your dietary needs are going to be different to those of most people, unless the online guru lives where you do, knows all of the shops, can tell you what’s available and seasonal, and can help you budget to meet your needs.