There’s a creeping, toxic cloud that has swept over our society like an actual cloud sweeping over the sun on a bright shiny day. It goes by many names: political correctness, equality, human rights — but at the end of the day, the message is the same. It’s the poisonous tale being told that has seen white conservative men around the country frightened into silence so badly that they can barely speak on their nationally-syndicated talk shows and bestselling book tours.
It’s a message that says “love” whilst behind our backs actually selling hate. Not hate of people, but of ideas that it can’t tolerate.
I’m talking, of course, about liberalism.
I wrote about it, and it got me fired and also published in the Wall Street Journal. The fires of liberalism are trying to silence me but I WILL NOT MELT.
Now, I’m no biologist. I’m not even a scientist as such. But I have spent hours, even days trawling through chat rooms and forums doing my own research on gender roles in society. I’ve read thousands of Breitbart articles, and watched hour upon hour of Fox news.
At this point, I’ve basically got a PhD even if those liberal scum at Stanford won’t let me use the title.
And I can tell you without a question in my mind that Darwin was right 200 years ago with his most famous quote:
I know he’s right and that evolutionary theory hasn’t moved on in 200 years because D0nglover23 on my New Right chat group is a professional researcher and he wrote a 20-page letter to the government about it which detailed Darwin’s theories.
We can see every day that women aren’t as good as men at coding. I live in an apartment building and there isn’t a single female coder there. Google itself is over 60% male, which is an obvious sign that women aren’t as interested in code because if they were then we’d give them jobs obviously.
I know we’d give them jobs because Cathy is on my team and actually she’s not bad at coding but one time she cried at work which just goes to show how neurotic women are and why they screw up my calm workplace environment.
It was completely different from that time I cried at work, which was showing my manly vulnerability and just made me more masculine and attractive, like Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain.
The Lie Of Equality
In the last 2 decades we’ve gone too far. We’ve decided that being a man is something wrong, that the 70% of our workforce that Darwin said is biologically more capable of performing are actually less worthy. Our salaries may be higher, our hours shorter, our chances for promotion greater, children may even enhance our careers rather than sidetrack them, but I can say without fear of contradiction that men are being placed at the bottom of the ladder.
I’m not afraid of contradiction. All the guys in my CounterStrike team agree with me and they know what they’re talking about.
Women are already equal to men. Not when it comes to health, wellbeing or representation, but where it really matters.
Theory is important. Without theories no one could write 10-page manifestos and send them to the entire staff of a global organisation. And people are trying to fetter my theories, which is a violation of my First Amendment right to be given a global platform for everything I say.
Stop Hurting My Feelings
We need to have an open mind in our workplace. Conservatives are being muzzled, I’ve heard it on at least 5 prime-time TV shows.
I mean, remember the War On Christmas?
My opinions are just as valid as some left-wing moron who is trying to tell me that “women deserve an equal opportunity” and that “systemic discrimination makes tech a hostile environment to women worldwide”.
It’s time to stop discriminating against the men whose opinions are just as important. Everyone’s opinions are equal, especially mine because I’m a man and so I don’t have emotions clouding my every thought.
We need to de-emphasize empathy, because the empathetic people in HR have been extremely mean to me. I’m not “causing an employee relations nightmare” I’m telling it as it is and if those sissies can’t take it they should take their opinions somewhere else because they are hurting my feelings with their mean words.
I can’t believe that someone would want to silence this obviously great opinion. Like President Trump says: “Make America Great Again”. Which he couldn’t say if he was a woman, because vaginas get in the way of free speech.
Science has shown this to be true. All the guys I know say so.
Finally, we need to stop these echo chambers of the well-meaning left. I know they are just trying to protect human rights, but really who needs those anyway? Did human rights get me a lucrative job coding or pay for my Stanford education? No.
Everyone in my former company had the same ideas, and it was clearly a problem. Not in terms of revenue or anything like that, because they were a multinational giant, but in terms of how those ideas weren’t like mine and that meant they were in an echo chamber.
I know they are in an echo chamber because it’s something that everyone is telling me. When I look on Twitter, the 500 people I follow all agree that making America great again is important and that these liberal sissies are just getting in the way with their emotions. When I watch Fox News, every second person is talking about how these liberals live inside their echo chambers and never hear the opinions of a smart conservative like me. And when I read Breitbart, all of the articles are damning in their conclusions about how liberals are all stuck in their pissy little comfort zones.
Everywhere I look, everyone agrees that the left-wing people live in echo chambers that they can’t escape from.
So really, what I did was totally justified. When people accuse me of dehumanizing more than half the population, they’re missing the point. I’m the one being dehumanized, because what is more human than being able to say whatever you want without consequences?
We need to change how we think about women, because they are making workplaces full of feelings and if I have to go to another HR meeting I’ll go crazy. We should go back to the good old days, where feelings were for artists and the rest of us drank scotch and tried not to cry in the privacy of our own homes.
So get off your high horse, liberals. Stop trying to silence my free speech. Because otherwise I’ll group together with my fellow snowflakes and we will be a force to be truly reckoned with.
No one wants to deal with angry snow.
In case it isn’t clear: THIS IS SATIRE. There are very few scientifically-demonstrated sex differences between men and women: virtually all of it is culturally determined rather than inherent biologically. The man who wrote down these ideas in a 10-page memo was taking some very basic untruths and spreading them around like cow dung on the fertile field of misogynists’ imaginations. Women are as good as (if not better than) men at coding, and virtually everything else.
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