How To Treat Women Like Human Beings

Turns out it’s easier than creepy old men make it seem

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When news emerged that a top Hollywood producer had been accused of sexually harassing, abusing, and even raping women for decades, the world was shocked. “How could this be?” Men everywhere wondered, “he always seemed like such a nice guy”.

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“If he was nice to me, how could he be mean to her? It just doesn’t make sense!”

I say men everywhere, because it turns out that this behavior had been an open secret among the women of Hollywood for decades. And by “open secret”, I mean that guys pointedly ignored the truth for as long as humanly possible, as well as helping to cover up the various awful deeds because the producer was just such a nice guy.

All the women knew.

And since this producer was an old white man, people everywhere have been coming out with ways that his victims could’ve avoided being abused.

Because if there’s one thing we know, old white men can’t be held responsible for their own actions. That’d be insanity!

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Pictured: No

Even when people have tried to educate men about consent from this event, the main line has been “what if it was your daughter”. As if the only way to consider women as human beings was if they were your offspring.

Shockingly, women are people even if they aren’t related to you.

So here’s my tip for men to guide you into not abusing women. It may sound simple, but as men the world over have amply demonstrated, it bears remembering. This is true even if you’re a powerful Hollywood producer who really wants to sexually abuse/harass/anything people:

Crazy, right? It turns out that if you imagine all women as human beings, it gets much easier to not abuse them*.

Next time you want to wolf-whistle at a lady walking down the street? Think “Would a human being like that?”. Since no human being has ever enjoyed wolf-whistling in the history of time, you can easily answer “no”.

Next time you’re thinking of sending an unsolicited dick pic, stop and reflect. Since no sentient being would ever find an anonymous penis interesting** — never mind attractive — that girl who won’t return your calls doesn’t, in fact, want to see your unwashed genitalia.

If you want to invite a woman up to your hotel room and rape her, think “How would that make a human being feel?”. If it surprises you to hear that no person has ever wanted to be raped, then you may need to see a mental health professional because you could be suffering from a case of Being Harvey Weinstein.

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By all accounts, a hideous fate. Credit: AP PHOTO/JOEL RYAN

So stop telling people to imagine that it was their daughter, wife, step-sister, or second mistress.

Just imagine that they are a person. Who deserves respect.

Because they are.

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*Note: for the sake of this article, I am using the word woman/women because that is the term that rape apologists have been using, but obviously you can replace the term with any and all genders and sexual orientations.

**This rule holds true for all beings except for nosy urologists, who are very interested in anonymous penises. However, that still does not mean that they will be interested in the boils on your junk unless you pay them. And also treat them like a human being. Obviously.

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